He Died.

My paternal grandfather passed away yesterday.
But this comes with mixed emotions.
1) Because as of earlier today, I didn't even know his first name. Which Im sure at one point I was told his name, but it was not stored in my memory. That is how irrelevant he has been in my life.
2) He had 15 kids. My grandmother had 8. He had 15 kids. My grandmother was married to my grandfather until the day she died last summer(it should be mentioned that I am the exact replica of her). Pappa was a rolling stone. Even worst the city they lived in was 7.3 sq. miles. In the Mississippi Delta...Cleveland to be exact. My grandfather even had a child with my grandmother's sister.
3) I only have two memories of him. The first was in the summer when I went to visit my maternal grandmother(she lived in cleveland as well), I was in the car with my Aunt and she says, "hey there is your grandfather, mowing the lawn at the church". So we had to stop, which im sure i didnt want to, I spoke. He seemed to be a jolly fat old man, but still felt no connection. I mean you could have pointed out any man and told me that was my grandfather. I think I was around 7.
The second, had to be one holiday when we were in Cleveland. Probably Christmas 2006. My mom asked if I wanted to go see my grandmother on our way back home. I didnt mind. Although I never liked going there. between you and me. So anyhow when we pull up there is the skinny man somewhere between laying and sitting on the bench by the front door. Anybody could have mistaken him for dead. I think he eyes were rolling in the back of his head, and they were yellow(always a sign of sickness) with a hint of red.He began to move from the bench as we procceded to enter the house, but he went in a direction opposite from us as if he had not even notice anyone was there. I had to be told that was my grandfather. Since he had lost a drastic amount of weight.
Those are my two memories.


And so last summer when my paternal grandmother passed away, I attended the funeral. At this funeral I learned about all the kids outside the marriage, he alcholism, and anything else offered up about him. The gossip at the time was he still messed around, and even had a girlfriend. This man has to be 75 and above. I stared at him the whole time at the repass. I just kept wondering if he cared that my grandmother had died, did he feel sorry for his mistreatment of her, I mean did he even care that he was an absent father/grandfather?


I am at a lost for what I should do. Not sure if I should attend the funeral, my mom keeps asking if I want to go. Idk. Then I will have to see my dad(and thats a whole different post)

I goggled my grandfather's name as Jesse Winters Mississippi>>Found This<<. Yeah, his phone number and address. Made me kinda sad to see his number as if he was a living person. oh yeah and he had prostate cancer of all things. Not sure what his cause of death was.

All I know is that....He Died.